Thursday, May 20, 2010

This is my soapbox and I'll stand on it if I want to

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.
-Winston Churchill



So I think I missed the negativity memo. It drives me crazy to log onto my facebook and see people who “hate people” or “hate life” or post nasty things about people. It is so frustrating to me. I will never be able to tell you that I don’t get depressed about things at times or that my life is perfect because, I promise you, it is far from perfect. I have lots of ups in life accompanied by many, many, many downs but why in the world would I want to broadcast them for my facebook world to see?!? When I first started life in the blogging world, I would post about the crap in my life. The horrors of facing myself in the mirror every day. It took me a little bit, but I realized a while back that nobody wants to read that stuff. Does my mom want to know about it? Sure. That’s why I call and talk to her about my struggles. Does the internet need to know all my details? Nope. Therefore, said posts were deleted about a year ago.

What I want to scream at people is – life happens. Adjust your attitude towards it. I have been through some awful things in my short 27 ½ years. My parents divorced. I held my lifeless son in my arms and four months later had my husband tell me he wanted a divorce. I have been in bad relationships. I have experienced more hurt than I ever thought possible. But LOOK at where I stand now! I have a God who loves me unconditionally and it is finally more than just head knowledge to me! I have a husband who I know will never stop loving me. I have three beautiful children who mean so much to me! And I have a great support system that I love dearly.

I made some bad decisions along the way and there are things that I would definitely do differently and I do have regrets. But I know without any hesitation that ALL of those experiences were given to me for a reason. I can actually see God using me in other people’s lives now which is such a blessing, even more so because there were days that I didn’t even think I could get out of bed, let alone MINISTER to someone! A lady I know lost her precious little baby about 4 months ago and I love her honesty and openness about her pain. I wish I could have been more like her after losing my baby boy. I want her to know how much she blesses me even when she doesn’t know it! She’s hurting and her pain is so raw but she is seriously so inspiring. I wish more people could be like her.

- I so wish that Zachary was here and getting ready to finish kindergarten and snuggling with me while we read books – but I know God has given him the best home anyone could possibly hope for. I will always miss him and never stop loving him but it makes it so much easier knowing that he's living the good life up there and I can't wait to see him again one day.

- I wish that my first marriage hadn’t failed – but my husband now is who I was meant to be with. I learned so much from my failed marriage and I hope to never repeat those mistakes again so I can be the best possible wife to Aaron.

- I wish that I could give Jackson stability and not shuffle him between two homes – but his dad and I have a great relationship and we do everything we can to make sure we get along. We may not always see eye to eye on every situation but we figure it out and we move on. We both love the same smooshy faced, blonde haired cutie. Amen.

3 comments:

Angie said...

Amen! Before I put anything on FB or on my blog or anywhere where everyone sees it, I think "Do I really want everyone I know to see this?" or "Is this just going to sound like a cry for attention?" Because I don't need attention!
And, like you, a while ago I definitely took a step back to analyze what I was putting on my blog. Some things I wrote were personal and I'm not sure, now, why I put those out there. We all are vulnerable at times but we need to share those things with close friends and family and our man!
Oh and I've started "hiding" people on FB that get on my nerves. I haven't resorted to entirely deleting them.

Rene said...

I just deleted them Angie its just to much to read over and over again. Also the drama that people have that they need everyone to know about gets really old.
And that is why when I had things going on that I really wanted to blog about but wanted people to know I just emailed them cause not the whole world needs to know.
I really enjoyed this post.

The Sizemores said...

I just wanted to say thank you for your blog! And thank you for sharing about Zachary. I had no idea. There are a lot of things I struggle with understanding, but I have learned one recently. I truly believe that Zachary was a gift for someone in Heaven who was never able to have children. And imagine how sweet that day will be when you go Home. You are an amazing mother, wife, and person! Love ya!